Since Damon started blogging here again, I realised that I have not updated this blog for a very long time too. I felt that my experiences were shared by millions of parents around the world, and there were many blogs out there that cover the same topics; I didn’t have anything new to add. Looking back, though, I recall so many moments that were special to me that I wish I’d written them all down.
Very recently, we hit a ‘milestone’ of sorts (among the very important developmental ones like crawling, standing, growing teeth, beginning first words, learning to wave, etc) – Meredith is showing very obvious signs of independence.
This all started when she finally learnt how to crawl forward and stand up on her own (with support, of course). Her increased mobility meant that she could explore the house on her own, and she stopped looking for us to carry her around the place.
She was also contented to be spoon-fed puree and porridge for a few months – until recently. She would snatch the spoon from me or scream and whine and refuse to eat, and I had to trick her into eating by distracting her with toys or waiting till she opened her mouth to sneak food in. It saddened me because I felt rejected by Meredith and angered me because I was tricking her into eating something she didn’t want. When I was little, I was also given the computer as a distraction during mealtimes, and gradually, I stopped enjoying my food unless I had an electronic screen in front of me.
This was why I started to give baby-led weaning (BLW) a try.
Nope, never going back to puree again.
My initial aversion to BLW was because I saw how much mess it would cause. We did not buy a popular high chair used by BLW mums either (the white one from IKEA that you see in many restaurants), and the Stokke was going to be a pain to clean at every mealtime. Thankfully, because Meredith has mastered the pincer grip while practising with snacks every day, the mess was actually much better than the mess created while eating pureed food.
Things that she used to hate also became immediate favourites when she found that she could feed herself with them. She gets upset if she sees Damon eating a banana and not sharing it with her, when previously she would cry angrily if you ever tried to sneak banana into her mouth.
Although she doesn’t always eat much, she displays signs of enjoyment exploring her food, and it made me appreciate my food more too. Since her portions were small, we often either ate her leftovers or used the rest of the ingredients to cook our own lunch, something we hadn’t done in a long time since Meredith arrived.
I’m really happy that BLW has allowed me to enjoy cooking again, even though I don’t cook complicated dishes. One other thing that made me really glad I switched to BLW is that I get to cook the food fresh for Meredith every day. With puree and porridge, it always bothered me that I froze the food and thawed them every night for her – if you had a choice, you would rather have fresh food every day, right? The washing isn’t so bad because I have Damon and my dad to help me, and honestly, the blender was more painful to clean than the pots and pans.
With the introduction to solids, Meredith has also gotten just a little less dependent on breastmilk. The day my cycles came back and Meredith fussed at the breast, I was so emotional, I wanted to cry. (It just seemed so silly to cry and I thought Damon would laugh at me, so I pretended not to!) To me, it was the beginning of Meredith growing less dependent on me, and that she wasn’t the same baby I brought home from the hospital anymore.
They say that breastfeeding is only so small a part of motherhood. In terms of years, it certainly is only a small part of you and your child’s life. Emotionally, though, it takes up a large part of motherhood. Even though I sometimes feel like I’m just hanging on and getting through this because breastfeeding interferes with a lot of my daily life, it hit me just then that breastfeeding created a special bond for not just me and Meredith, but with many others too.
Whenever I had to breastfeed Meredith, a caregiver would help bring Meredith to me. When I had to be away from Meredith, my parents would have to watch over Meredith and deal with the fact that she refused to take the bottle. At night, although I was the only one needed to nurse Meredith back to sleep, Damon would sometimes sit up with me to keep me company or kiss me and tell me what a good job I’ve done after I put Meredith back into her cot. I have received a lot of good advice from other mums whenever I had problems with breastfeeding. And if all this didn’t exist, I don’t think I would have come so far on my breastfeeding journey.
I must have breastfed Meredith thousands of times over the last 9 months, and yet I only have one photo of my breastfeeding journey. I can’t remember the million good things breastmilk does anymore, but I will certainly never forget the happiness of cradling little Meredith in my arms, because this is only so short a part in motherhood.
Public Laundry 